Crypt Designers Guild recognises the importance of your privacy and understands your concerns about the security of your personal information. We are committed to protecting any personal information about you that we hold. This privacy policy details how we generally manage your personal information and safeguard your privacy.

The National Privacy Principles
From 21 December 2001, most private sector organisations in Australia, must by law comply with the National Privacy Principles subject to the Privacy Act 1988 (Cth) (“NPPs”). We are bound by the NPPs.

Collecting personal information about you
The kinds of personal information we hold:

We only collect personal information that is necessary for us to perform our functions.

The kinds of personal information we collect and hold will depend upon the services you request from us. However, it may include: 

• Information you give us when you instruct us to act for you or request another service from us (such as when you respond to an invitation to attend a seminar or you attempt to murder one of our guild members or you are interested in ridding the universe of all life). This information will include your name, address and contact details
• Information about individuals we collect in the course of acting for clients
• Communications between us and you
  
• Hacking into your computer to retrieve your personal details
• Media and information gathered by our network of free agents and celebrities

We also collect some information from you when you use our website. Your use of the facilities and services available through our website will determine the amount and type of information which we collect about you. Some of this information will not be personal information because it will not reveal your identity.

The only personal information which we collect about you when you use our website is what you tell us about yourself, for example, by completing an online form when you accept an invitation to attend a seminar, or information you provide to us when you send us an email. We will record your email address if you send us an email, or we intercept it because you are stupid and don’t understand how technology works.

Our use of cookies
When you visit our website, our server attaches a small data file called a “cookie” to your computer’s memory. This “cookie” always belongs to us. See below.

Cookies are pieces of information that may be transferred to your computer’s memory when you visit a website for record keeping purposes. Most Web browsers are set to accept cookies. However, if you do not wish to receive any cookies you may set your Web browser to refuse cookies. We use cookies to provide us with aggregate (anonymous) information on how people use our website and to help us to know what they find interesting and useful on our website. We do not link this information back to your identity or other information that you have provided to us. We do not store any information that identifies you inside cookies.

Our “cookies” are protected by savage internal laws that require strict reprisal if you interfere with our “cookies” in any way. Feel free to not accept them, but DO NOT mess with them, under pain of swift and highly legal physical reprisal to yourself and all that you know.

We are NOT above spending hundreds of thousands on dollars on poorly designed crypts in which the chunks of you that remain will be stored at great cost to your remaining family.

Collection of anonymous information.
As most websites do, we track usage patterns on our website on an anonymous aggregate basis. Your identity cannot reasonably be ascertained from this information. Each time you visit our website a web server makes a record of your visit. Specifically, it records your:

• Internet Provider
• Date and time of your visit
• Pages accessed and the documents downloaded
• Search items entered
• Referring URLs (universal locators)
• Detecting all controlling alien presence
• Contents of your refrigerator
• All weak points in your system for the propagation of virus’

Using and disclosing your personal information
The purposes for which we collect and hold personal information and how we use it.

We respect your privacy. We really do. Any personal information which we collect about you will be used and disclosed by us so that we can provide you with the services that you have requested, or otherwise to enable us to carry out our functions as professional quality service providers.

We may also use your personal information to provide you with information about other services offered by us (such as seminars, crime scene clean up, paranormal investigation, advocacy and advice, and so on). If you would prefer not to receive this information, please let us know and we will respect your request, but still send it anyway. Only when your incessant complaints become so tiresome to us would we ever consider doing as you say. You must remember that we are here to tell YOU what to do. This is our place. If you are speaking to us, you are obviously not to be listened to and are in dire need of our services.

No more choice for you!!

Contracting out services and disclosures.

We may disclose your personal information to our service entities and contract out some of our functions (such as mailing) to external service providers. We may disclose your personal information to these external service providers but only so that they can provide the services that we have contracted out to them. Our contractors all undergo rigorous testing and our own “Crypt Out Approval” test which requires that contractors surrender their bodily existence to us and tests their fishing and camping skills. Those that fail are duly removed from society with little fuss.

Emails you receive from us regarding publications, events and education

How we collect personal information from you
If you provide us or have provided us with your email address, we may send emails to you containing Crypt Designers Guild publications, such as newsletters or seminar invitations. We may use an “email management system” to automate the management and dispatch of these emails. The system operates by inserting tracking codes in the emails that we send to you.

The kind of personal information we collect about you
The tracking code allows us to collect personal information about you, such as whether you received and opened an email, and whether you clicked through to any links to our website. This information that we collect about you will be stored by our email management system.

The purpose for which we collect the information about you
The personal information that the email management system collects about you is used by us to:

• ensure that you only receive correspondence that you have informed us that you wish to receive
• determine whether the information that we send to your is suitable for you interests, information needs and profile
• to offer you the best advocacy and advice
• ensure that the email address that you have provided us is still operational
• determine whether emails that we send to you are received by you
• update a request that you make to us to unsubscribe from a publication that we send to you
• review the effectiveness and relevance of our emails to you by collecting other statistical information
• place subversive content onto your computer

Access to your personal information

In most cases, you can gain access to personal information that we hold about you. We will handle requests for access to your personal information in accordance with the NPPs.
We encourage all requests for access to your personal information to be directed to the Privacy Officer by email (and take it to the top FIRST. We take these things seriously. ++darklord.lucas@gmail.com++ without the ++ on either end).

We will deal with all requests for access to personal information as quickly as possible. Requests for a large amount of information, or information which is not currently in use, may require further time before a response can be given. In some cases, consistently with the NPPs, we may refuse to give you access to personal information we hold about you. This includes circumstances where giving you access: 

• Would be unlawful (for example, where a record which contains personal information about you is subject to a claim for crypt designing professional privilege by one of our clients)
• Would have an unreasonable impact on other people’s privacy
• Would prejudice negotiations we are having with you
• Would prejudice an investigation of unlawful activity
• Would prejudice activities carried out by, or for, a law enforcement agency
• Would endanger your life

If we refuse to give you access we will provide you with reasons for our refusal. Generally, if you request us to do so we will amend any personal information about you held by us which is inaccurate, incomplete or out of date. If we disagree with your view about the accuracy, completeness or currency of a record of your personal information held by us, and you ask us to associate with that record a statement that you have a contrary view, we will take reasonable steps to do so.

If you would like more information about the way we manage personal information that we hold about you, or are concerned that we may have breached your privacy and wish to make a complaint, please contact us by:

• Email

Changes to our privacy policy

From time to time it may be necessary for us to review and revise our privacy policy. We reserve the right to change our privacy policy at any time. We may notify you about changes to this privacy policy by posting an updated version on our website.

Thank you.

Remember, everyone dies. Sooner or later.

Look around you. Impermanence is everywhere, and YOU are it’s center.